IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #choices
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In
this
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 sophisticated era, there have been many changes that
cause
Wrong verb form
have caused
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 confusion. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that living in
this
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 era makes them confused with their own
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the reasons for
this
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 issue and provide relevant examples. There are two main reasons for
this
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 confusion regarding the decision.
Firstly
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, the massive development of technology leads to numerous
Use synonyms
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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. Since
people
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 can surf the net and look for information, they might find a lot of preference which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them confused eventually. In
this
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 circumstance, individuals will gather as much
as
Change preposition
apply
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information related to their needs in order to select the best one. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, they will find a hard to decide their final
option
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, before I buy a shirt in classy online shops
such
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 as Shopee or Tokopedia, I tend to look for the best shirts by reading the feedback from the buyers in different shops before collecting them in the cart, but
at the end
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 of the day, I could not choose which one will I purchase.
Secondly
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, the sense of satisfaction results in various choices since it will affect individuals’ psychology in deciding their choices. In
this
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 circumstance, the perfect options influence folks’ ability to choose because they want to make a better selection.
For instance
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, when I decided to enrol in university, I had to find suitable subjects for my needs, and
this
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 took at least two weeks to choose.
As psychologists
Correct word choice
Psychologists
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 argue that
people
Use synonyms
 will select the best for themselves in order to fulfill their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, choosing the best
option
Use synonyms
gives
Verb problem
has
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 a profound effect on humans’ desire In conclusion,
although
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this
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 modern era encourages many
people
Use synonyms
 to make a lot of options related to their needs,
this
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 helps them to decide their best
option
Use synonyms
,
as well as
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 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their desire.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement for clarity and effectiveness. The main points are supported but could be more coherent in their presentation.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the prompt, with some ideas being relevant but lacking in clarity and depth. The use of examples is limited and could be strengthened to fully address the task prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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