IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #choices
In
this
 sophisticated era, there have been many changes that
cause
Wrong verb form
have caused
show examples
 confusion. Some
people
 argue that living in
this
 era makes them confused with their own
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
This
 essay will elaborate on the reasons for
this
 issue and provide relevant examples. There are two main reasons for
this
 confusion regarding the decision.
Firstly
, the massive development of technology leads to numerous
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
. Since
people
 can surf the net and look for information, they might find a lot of preference which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them confused eventually. In
this
 circumstance, individuals will gather as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information related to their needs in order to select the best one. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they will find a hard to decide their final
option
. To illustrate, before I buy a shirt in classy online shops
such
 as Shopee or Tokopedia, I tend to look for the best shirts by reading the feedback from the buyers in different shops before collecting them in the cart, but
at the end
 of the day, I could not choose which one will I purchase.
Secondly
, the sense of satisfaction results in various choices since it will affect individuals’ psychology in deciding their choices. In
this
 circumstance, the perfect options influence folks’ ability to choose because they want to make a better selection.
For instance
, when I decided to enrol in university, I had to find suitable subjects for my needs, and
this
 took at least two weeks to choose.
As psychologists
Correct word choice
Psychologists
show examples
 argue that
people
 will select the best for themselves in order to fulfill their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
.
Therefore
, choosing the best
option
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a profound effect on humans’ desire In conclusion,
although
this
 modern era encourages many
people
 to make a lot of options related to their needs,
this
 helps them to decide their best
option
,
as well as
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their desire.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement for clarity and effectiveness. The main points are supported but could be more coherent in their presentation.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the prompt, with some ideas being relevant but lacking in clarity and depth. The use of examples is limited and could be strengthened to fully address the task prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: