IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #children #level #health #fitness #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, child obesity is a major topic not only among
parents
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 individuals in the
health
Use synonyms
 sector.
This
Linking Words
 would affect
children
Use synonyms
's education directly. As many ,researchers
this
Linking Words
 will become a major threat to the future of a country. In
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will illustrate some main points that are based to increase
children
Use synonyms
's weight and things we can do to mitigate that. Technology plays a vital role not only in the modern world but
also
Linking Words
 in people’s day-to-day life. In the past, most
children
Use synonyms
 played
games
Use synonyms
 , that require more physical involvement, But in the modern ,world they are playing video
games
Use synonyms
 while eating unhealthy snacks,
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 allow them to play video
games
Use synonyms
 because that will allow them to do their personal work without any disruption. Unhealthy snacks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and fast food are
also
Linking Words
 major threats to
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
. Most major companies, that are in the snack and fast food industry target
children
Use synonyms
. As an example, they use cartoon characters, vivid colours and surprise gifts to grab
children
Use synonyms
’s attention.
Last
Linking Words
 but least, the syllabus that
children
Use synonyms
 have to cover during their school.
Children
Use synonyms
 have to focus more on exams, assignments, and projects rather than sports.
Parents
Use synonyms
 can involve their
children
Use synonyms
 in physical activities. They can do some
games
Use synonyms
 that need more physical involvement rather than giving gaming consoles to their
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will help not only decrease weight but
also
Linking Words
 increase endurance, and stamina, and it will improve the
health
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
’s bone structure. As per
Health
Use synonyms
 individuals, interaction with
children
Use synonyms
 will improve their mental
health
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 can give knowledge about the benefits of having healthy foods, for their
children
Use synonyms
. It is more effective than giving orders and putting rules on them. To sum up,
children
Use synonyms
 are the new blood not only in society but
also
Linking Words
 in the country, and they are a sensitive part of every society. Doing more sports or
games
Use synonyms
 that involve more physical activities, and teaching them the befits of having a healthy diet are the steps that we get to keep our
children
Use synonyms
 healthy manner.
Submitted by malangavishwajiththilakarathna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: