Today, people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? What effects does this have on the people themselves and on their families?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of people nowadays have to live far away from their
families
, due to the increasing job opportunities and mobilization in urban areas. It is a far better chance to land a high-income job and build an outstanding career
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the most developed cities of the country rather than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
countryside.
As a result
, many have made a choice to travel and work from infrastructural cities while trying to support their
families
from there. There is no denying that
this
has brought big social consequences which are getting worse by
Correct article usage
the days
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
.
In
particular
Add a comma
,particular
show examples
it has brought a rise of workaholics, whose schedule is working overtime and trying to make as much money as possible. It is evident that workhorse culture is becoming drastically more popular in Asian countries, especially Japan where employees who show dedication and commitment to their company have a chance of promotion. Needless to say, the competition there is over the top that’s why having free time for your family is a privilege not everyone can afford. To look even
further
into the effects of
this
phenomenon, it can be seen that the economic miracle of the 20th century had a consumptive effect on large
families
. Japanese, parents, especially the father, who has to work long shifts at the office, may go on for days or even weeks without seeing the face of their children. That being the case
this
situation results in people not valuing
families
as much as they used to. It
also
increases the risk in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
since the birth rate drops. Loneliness and relationships
also
become a problem for workaholics that’s why it could result in suicides and lonely deaths rising. All of
this
can and more can become a reality
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
any nation around the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they don’t decide
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
solutions for modernization. In summary, the collapse of family
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
has been underway for quite some time now, and it has already taken its toll on many societies, of which Japan is a prime example. A solution is needed now to restore the once strong and inseparable bond between the bloodline
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that it won’t be too late to have a normal family.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demands of the workplace
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • individualism
  • erosion of family bonds
  • emotional distance
  • strain relationships
  • emotional support
  • negative impact
  • emotional, social, and academic challenges
  • neglected
  • guidance and support
  • stress and mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
What to do next:
Look at other essays: