IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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there is no doubt that these days there are a lot of high levels of
sugar
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 in many
products
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. the question is is it a good way to make sugary food and drinks more expensive to make society eat
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
sugar
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?. in
this
Linking Words
 essay I am going to talk about it and give my opinion on the matter.
to begin
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 with,
sugar
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 is an important source of energy for the human body.
However
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, eating a lot of
sugar
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 can harm more than good. I agree with making the
products
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 more expensive to encourage
people
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 to eat less of them. But I think there are many ways to convince
people
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 to eat less
sugar
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 and be healthier.
For instance
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, make more advertisements about the diseases that
sugar
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 can do.
Also
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, writing about it in social media because social media becoming so effective nowadays for
people
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. Reminding young
people
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 and kids about the serious damage that sugary can made is a very important way.
Moreover
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, making
sugar
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products
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 more expensive going really makes our behaviours
on
Change preposition
apply
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shopping better. How?,
for example
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, if I see healthy
products
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 cheaper than any other one I am going to buy for sure healthy food. Day after day it will make me love food with less
sugar
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 and improve my health and my brain. to sum up, it is a good idea to make
sugar
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products
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 more expensive to encourage society to eat less
sugar
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,
However
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, is better to make
people
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 and especially our kids about what
sugar
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 will do to their bodies and brain.

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