IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that technology such as mobile phone is destroying social interactions. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #phone #interactions
Nowadays, with the advance in technology
such
 as mobile phones and computers, the majority of people are disjointed with society. Indeed, the technology advancement really help our daily life, it brings us many conveniences but at the same
time
 brings us disadvantage as well. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 view for two main reasons.
Firstly
, most youngsters have been addicted to mobile games or video games,
therefore
, not only most of them are antisocial or introverts by spending quite of
time
 on their virtual games and lack communication with family members and friends in the real
world
, but
also
 they nill to work or study,
thus
, students have to face problems at school and the worker will probably face the problem of unemployment.
Secondly
, survey results that the more
time
 you spend with your mobile phone, you will have less desire to participate in outdoor activities.
In other words
, investing more
time
 in the cyber
world
 will affect our physical and mental health. In recent years, more and more teenagers have been wearing glasses by using electronic products
such
 as cell phones, computers, television and so on. To conclude, even though the technology advancement can bring us many conveniences,
nonetheless
, we have a lay emphasis on our real life.
For example
, active involvement in communities, having outdoor hobbies, joining family gatherings and being able to learn how to manage
time
 in both the cyber
world
 and the real
world
.
Submitted by rjing9870 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: