IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that technology such as mobile phone is destroying social interactions. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #phone #interactions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, with the advance in technology
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones and computers, the majority of people are disjointed with society. Indeed, the technology advancement really help our daily life, it brings us many conveniences but at the same
time
Use synonyms
 brings us disadvantage as well. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most youngsters have been addicted to mobile games or video games,
therefore
Linking Words
, not only most of them are antisocial or introverts by spending quite of
time
Use synonyms
 on their virtual games and lack communication with family members and friends in the real
world
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 they nill to work or study,
thus
Linking Words
, students have to face problems at school and the worker will probably face the problem of unemployment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, survey results that the more
time
Use synonyms
 you spend with your mobile phone, you will have less desire to participate in outdoor activities.
In other words
Linking Words
, investing more
time
Use synonyms
 in the cyber
world
Use synonyms
 will affect our physical and mental health. In recent years, more and more teenagers have been wearing glasses by using electronic products
such
Linking Words
 as cell phones, computers, television and so on. To conclude, even though the technology advancement can bring us many conveniences,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, we have a lay emphasis on our real life.
For example
Linking Words
, active involvement in communities, having outdoor hobbies, joining family gatherings and being able to learn how to manage
time
Use synonyms
 in both the cyber
world
Use synonyms
 and the real
world
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rjing9870 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: