IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
In recent years, the extent of crime among young
people
 who involved dramatically increased in most countries. The origins of
this
 situation seem to stem from three factors, while several remedies appear to be open to us. Perhaps the major factor here is the start of
war
Add an article
the war
a war
show examples
 between Ukraine and Russia. Examples can be seen in the way of inflation rise. In every country, inflation rose substantially after the war.
This
 pattern appears to be global, with the result that it brought bad financial circumstances to less affluent countries. Another cause is modern
people
 especially youngsters may looking for access to living easily, meaning that they become
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lazy than their previous generation. Laziness can be giving the idea that doing work can be overwhelming. A
third
 factor is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 difficulty in finding well
paided
Correct your spelling
paid
padded
 job. Most jobs tend to be poorly paid
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while working with overload. Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step would be government can encourage young
people
 to do work.
Although
 the salary is low if the government would find
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 logical and thoughtful way, it would greatly enhance access to
people
 with no income. A
second
 remedy might be to change youngsters' attitudes.
Finally
, the institutions should give proper
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to their employees. Employers would give more perks and bonuses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if employees did their job well. In summary, the factors of family circumstances and the current world situation appear to be the main causes. A coordinated response by the state, the institutions and the individuals may well lessen the severity of
this
 situation.
Submitted by Naran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: