IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programs. Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists attention. Some people think that this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home.

#governments #millions #dollars #year #space #programs #focus #scientists #attention #people #money #home
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Nowadays, exploring
space
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 is becoming more and more popular among developed
countries
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. They are ready to spend millions of dollars to collect information about stars, planets and galaxies.
And another
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Another
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 reason, why they are ready to spend a huge amount of money is they are competing with each other, how was it between
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USA
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the USA
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 and
USSR
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the USSR
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 in past
.
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?
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 They wanted to be first in
space
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 and on the Moon, but what were the benefits for ordinary people and
society
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? Today, the
USA
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 finances huge companies like NASA,
Space
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 X and Virgin Galactic to construct and launch rockets and satellites. One of them is developing
space
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 tourism, another one is exploring planets like Mars. But, most of the citizens of the
USA
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 think, that it is a waste of time and money that does not bring any benefits to
society
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. Meanwhile, the
society
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 of the
USA
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 has many
problems
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such
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 as unemployment, inflation and poverty.
Besides
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 these
problems
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, there are
also
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 global
problems
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such
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 as global warming, deforestation, and air pollution. From my point of view, if developed
countries
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 would pay attention to the
problems
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 of the Earth,
instead
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 of exploring Mars, it would bring more benefits than
space
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programs
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. But why they do not do that if it is very important for people and
society
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? After all, governments should always take care of their people. One of the reasons, why they do not want to do
that is
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 solving global
problems
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 with pollution and deforestation is not profitable like
space
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programs
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. And solving these
problems
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 would not
rise
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raise
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 their level of technological development as
space
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programs
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. Only a few
countries
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 can explore
space
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 and construct rockets. And each of them wants to be the
best
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apply
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best. In conclusion, developed
countries
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 will continue financing their
space
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programs
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instead
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 of solving the
problems
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 of the Earth. Because
this
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 is the only reason to show another country your technological developments.
Although
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, Earth's
problems
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 require less money and time to solve.
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the allocation of funds to space programs instead of addressing problems on Earth. However, the essay lacks a clear position on the issue, and the arguments could be more focused.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat disorganized. The introduction presents the issue but lacks a clear thesis statement. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. The essay would benefit from stronger topic sentences and a better flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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