IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behavior
Nowadays, many countries
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world have the same problem of students' bad behaviour in schools, even sometimes accompanied by violence towards teachers or school staff.
This
 issue is very complicated and doesn't have an immediate, permanent solution.
However
, in
this
 essay, I will try to find the root of the problem and suggest possible solutions.
Firstly
, I would like
to begin
 exploring the problem from the family.
Children
 are like a sponge and absorb everything they see, feel and experience. I believe that parents have a major impact on their
children
. In my opinion, if parents behave properly with respect between themself and towards their
children
, the latest will behave the same way everywhere, not just in school.
Secondly
, the current young generation is exposed to harmful content on TV, social media and video games. The cruelty that they
expose
Wrong verb form
are exposed
show examples
 to every day reflects on their behaviour. They try to move the virtual world to real life; sometimes,
this
 phenomenon crosses borders and can injure them physically or mentally.
However
, not all is so bad; we can improve or decrease the harmful factors that influence our
children
. We have to be more interested and involved in our
children
's lives. We need to spend more free time with families outdoors, hiking, camping, holidays and
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
. Parent meetings in school and
wats up
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 groups must be part of our life to understand what happens with
children
 and in class. Technology is running in front of us, and there are a lot of tools for controlling the social media of our
children
 to decrease unwanted content or members in
children
's accounts. We can remotely control the gadgets of our
children
 and limit the gadget's time
according to
 the agreements. I understand that my point of view is not the same as somebody's opinion. The solutions that I provided here is not suit for everybody, but the main subject is to be more involved in our
children
's life.
Submitted by haikin.al81 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the essay prompt and covers all aspects of the topic in a clear and organized manner.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more structured and connected manner. Use transition words to link your ideas and ensure that each paragraph supports the main topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • discipline
  • moral guidance
  • social media
  • detrimental
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • overcrowded
  • disengagement
  • disruptive behavior
  • behavioral policies
  • code of conduct
  • parental involvement
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • empathy
  • responsible decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: