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Band 5.5

These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #beahaviour
Presently we can highlight that there is a rise in
аmount
Correct article usage
the аmount
show examples
 of violence on television and it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
children
's
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
 statement because
cruelty
 on
TV
 can lead
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
demolishing
Change the verb form
demolish
show examples
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 health of
children
 and
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to grow up as
criminals
.
Initially
, observing
cruelty
. on
TV
 have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on
children
's psychology or ever they can become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psycho.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
 psychology
children
's brain is not already established, they
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
 information
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a straight way.
Hence
, their psychology is very weak and have a chance to get
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact from each bad picture or
bill-board
Correct your spelling
billboard
show examples
 on the street.
For instance
, the fact that adults who suffer from
such
 mental issues were watching
cruelty
 on
TV
 or another source. The amount of money spent on
psychologist's
Change noun form
psychologist
show examples
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 is increasing every year and even after
Correct article usage
the therapist's
show examples
therapist's
Fix the agreement mistake
therapists'
show examples
help
Add a comma
,help
show examples
 some issues don't vanish.
Secondly
, sadism watched on
TV
 is prior key to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a cruel person or even
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a criminal in future. Representing harsh scenes
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 accident on
TV
 may lead to
children
's way of growth and some bad
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
show examples
 could be inevitable. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big amount of
criminals
 became
criminals
 by
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
cruelty
 nested in their's childhood.
Also
 for
this
 sake,
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 who
Add a missing verb
has seen
show examples
seen
Wrong verb form
sees
show examples
 some bad stuff on
TV
 stopped thriving at one
momet
Correct your spelling
moment
. To conclude,
children
 should watch only television for kids because
cruelty
 might lead to some mental issues and contribute to
children
's growth by making them
criminals
.
Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitizes
  • imitate
  • aggressive behaviors
  • fear and anxiety
  • overall mental health
  • social skills
  • increased aggression
  • healthy relationships
  • academic performance
  • increased stress
  • distraction
  • negative influence
  • exposure to violence
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