IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar
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Some
people
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 agree that the prices of sugary drinks should be risen to encourage customers to consume less
sugar
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. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, my opinions will be discussed
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the following reason.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, increasing
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
-based refreshments would not discourage
people
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 to drink them less if they have no concerns about the disadvantages of these products. I believe that health education should be taught more to make
people
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 have
higher
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a higher
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 awareness of medical issues. If they learn that high blood glucose can lead to life-threatening problems and disabilities
such
Linking Words
 as stroke, heart attack or leg amputation from Diabetic Mellitus (DM), or even death, they may continuously control their carbohydrate eating behaviours, and unhealthy sweetened potations may be less consumed eventually.
In addition
Linking Words
, high costs of living would affect
to
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apply
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all of
population
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the population
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 if the authorities keep increasing the charges
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
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 in order to make
people
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 purchase
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 unhealthy products. I would argue that
people
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 should be supported more to ingest food that uses healthier
sugar
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 substitutes. A prime example of these alternatives is stevia which is a sugary plant and is free of calories and
sugar
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. While the costs of living stay reasonable, alternative sweeteners could become wise choices for anyone who loves sweetness but prefers to be healthy. In conclusion, the consumption of high carbs diet can lead to major diseases, disabilities and death. I strongly believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of increasing
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of
sugar
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-based products, health education and availability of healthy substitute sweeteners should be promoted as imposing priorities which could help
people
Use synonyms
 to knowledgeably decrease their
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake.
Submitted by vollesunita on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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