IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some think that only those people who have worked for a company for many years should be promoted to a higher position. Do you agree?

#think #people #company #years #position
These days some people believe that only employees who have stayed with the company for a long period deserve to be promoted to a high
position
. In my opinion, l agree that even staff who has worked for a short time should be given higher positions due to their qualifications and
this
 essay will partially agree with the statement On one hand, one of the reasons why long-stayed workers should be the only people to get a promotion is because they already know the protocols of the company.
In other words
, if a person works for the organisation for a while, he or she
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to know how the system runs because he is already used
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the surrounding
hence
 when they are given a high, it becomes easy for them
to
Correct word choice
or to
show examples
 manage the
position
.
For example
, when a prime minister is given the
position
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
president, it becomes easy for him to manage because the offices have almost the same responsibilities. Despite the above view, l
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that workers should get a promotion due to their academic papers.
This
 makes the staff feel competent in what they are doing since they have studied for the
position
 they have been given.
For instance
, if a doctor is promoted to
surgeon
Add an article
the surgeon
a surgeon
show examples
, it is a result of his studying for it.
Therefore
, employers should consider academic papers. In conclusion,
although
 some members believe that only long-stayed employees should get a chance for high promotion
as a result
 of knowing the protocols, l
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that short-stayed staff should
also
 be given a higher
position
 due to their academic papers.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: