IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well

#people #teenager #community #work #time #benefit #teenagers
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In an industrialized society where there is a strong increase in job demand, young
people
Use synonyms
 are permitted to do free salary
work
Use synonyms
 in their spare time. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
this
Linking Words
 situation can benefit both teenagers and society. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will write to what level I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, on the level of agreement, it is possible to find some benefit from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpaid jobs, in
fact
Add the comma(s)
,fact
show examples
 that give the opportunity to young
people
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 to learn new skills, that they could have not
learn
Change the verb form
learned
show examples
 in companies where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience is a fundamental requirement.
Besides
Linking Words
, these young
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 can learn without the pressure that a factory
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
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 on employees,
from
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apply
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which required far
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
 responsibility as they are receiving a salary. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 type of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the charity shops. On the other
hands
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hand
show examples
, young
people
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 should not be exploited by
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 hire them for free, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 often employers need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
staff and use younger to have more personal, without paying for their
work
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, making them parts of the
work
Use synonyms
 that no one would do it, without teaching them anything.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side, at the same time, the younger should not underestimate
this
Linking Words
 great opportunity to learn new abilities, even if they are not paid for it, they should have respect for their momentary job. In conclusion, I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the fact that unpaid jobs could be beneficial for younger and society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 as if the
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 developed
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the right approach, can bring pros both to younger that they learn new skills and a method of
work
Use synonyms
 and to employers that could have more staff in their workplace.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community service
  • empathy
  • real-world issues
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • networks
  • constructive
  • detrimental activities
  • college applications
  • job resumes
What to do next:
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