Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely seperate from social life. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, the increasing number of businesses and more
work
hours accordingly
, have made coworkers have closer relationships than before.Whether or not these people should spend their free time together, is a debatable issue and opponents have a range of contrasting viewpoints on this
issue.
On the one side, it is believed by some people that workmates are better off having their weekends and after-work
hours together due to
possessing close similarities. This
may be based on a
fact that near liabilities are being trained together, leading to Correct article usage
the
have
almost the same financial class so that it is easier for them to find suitable hobbies and places for their budgets.
On the flip side, the closer the interaction, the less the solemness. if the relationship gets closer it will break professional boundaries. To understand it better, a manager of a famous dining haul who was gaining fame and wealth in a short period of time, faced a range of enormous rumours about being paid more than usual because of his friendship with the CEO . Change the verb form
having
This
rumour was owing to just a recent photo with his CEO at a party irrelevant to work
.Therefore
keeping a reasonable distance seems to keep everyone safer.
In conclusion, although
some people argue that co-workers are better off spending their weekends and evenings together due to
their similarly
trained social expectations, to my Opinion it is a paramount key to Wrong verb form
keeping
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
work
collaborations and social lives absolutely separate.expanding the relationships to after office hours, will definitely ruin the work
environment's seriousness and consequently
affect the quality of the labour to a huge extent.Submitted by Narges
on
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task response
Your introduction sets the stage for the issue effectively, but making your thesis statement clearer can help in guiding the reader. It prepares the reader for the discussion but lacks some clarity about what the essay will specifically cover.
task response
The essay does cover both viewpoints and gives an opinion as required by the task. However, the main ideas in the paragraphs could be elaborated a bit more to cover a broader range of perspectives, thus enhancing the depth of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical, and each paragraph has a clear purpose. However, consider using transition phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Transitions like 'on one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'in conclusion' can make the writing smoother.
task response
Providing more specific examples can better support your points. The example given about the manager and CEO is good, but adding another example, perhaps from another sector, would make your argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph connects back to the main argument of the essay. Additionally, some small grammatical and vocabulary enhancements would raise the clarity and persuasiveness.
task response
Your essay appropriately addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is excellent. You have demonstrated an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear: it has an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion which reflects a logical progression of ideas.
task response
Your use of specific examples, like the one about the manager and CEO, makes your argument more concrete and believable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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