IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offices authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right of course. Give reason for your opinion.

#offices #authorities #restriction #office #premises #governments #places #idea #freedom #right #course #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent decades, there have been new legislations against smoking indoors and in public places in Korea. The authorities want to lower the smoking population in the country by increasing tax rates for cigarettes and reducing smoking areas. Some individuals insist that it restricts one's
freedom
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the government can'
t
Use synonyms
 intervene the owners of the private properties should decide whether
people
Use synonyms
 can
smoke
Use synonyms
 in their places or not.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 assert that public smoking shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 be outlawed, saying there aren'
t
Use synonyms
 enough smoking booths in South Korea now. They say that it's unavoidable not to
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public areas unless the authorities install more places to
smoke
Use synonyms
 legally.
However
Linking Words
, the opposite side says that there are limitations to the
freedom
Use synonyms
 of humans.
People
Use synonyms
 cannot argue with one's
freedom
Use synonyms
 when they're violating other
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who don'
t
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have a right not to be exposed to smoking. When comparing the two sides, in my opinion, the right of the
people
Use synonyms
 who don'
t
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
outweighs.
Also
Linking Words
, from a public health perspective, it's more desirable for society's long-term public health. There is no doubt that smoking is harmful not only to smokers but
also
Linking Words
 to the
people
Use synonyms
 around them. Most smokers in Korea don'
t
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
 inside their own houses and
smoke
Use synonyms
 outdoors
instead
Linking Words
 because of health issues especially when they have kids. Having two different kinds of standards for the public and the family is selfishness and it cannot be justified.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the authorities and societies should impose restrictions in all indoor areas and in public
Submitted by seongminkr7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: