IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space. Others argue they should spend the money for poor people. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #governments #money #space
it's often considered that government must devote funds to space exploration. whereas, some people argue that the federal authorities should spend money in order to tackle poverty.
although
 it is important to dedicate resources to exploring the galaxy, I believe that government has to pay attention to supporting poor citizens. on
one
 hand,
one
 of the aims of exploring space is to find out whether is it possible to find other planets to live on or not. it is forecasted that the earth might not be liveable in about a decade
as a result
 of an environmental catastrophe on a global scale which is caused by toxic waste, air pollution, carbon
footprint
Change the noun form
footprints
show examples
 and climate crises
such
 as changing water patterns and temperature
soar
Wrong verb form
soaring
show examples
.
Therefore
 it sounds vital to look for other habitats in the cosmos.
for instance
, NASA has sent
curiosity
Correct article usage
a curiosity
show examples
rover
Fix the agreement mistake
rovers
show examples
 to mars to search for water supplies on
this
 planet.
on the other hand
, it is
one
 of the key responsibilities of the government to introduce regulations to improve welfare in society.
one
 of the paramount steps to reach
this
 goal is to target poverty by offering money, shelter and health support to poor households.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 it is ethical to help low-income families in order to protect them from suffering from hunger, illness, lack of education or being homeless. in conclusion, launching spacecraft and voyagers or investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
space exploration can be important.
however
, I would say that authorities should consider fighting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poverty as a target and spend money on that.
Submitted by mahla.mirzaei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: