IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 argued
music
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way to
conecting
Correct your spelling
connecting
people
Use synonyms
 from
Replace the word
different
show examples
differences
Replace the word
different
show examples
 cultures and ages. I
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
angree
Correct your spelling
agree
, because it has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 and promotion
culture
Change preposition
of culture
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
music
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
As can be seen, there are many
music
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can
enjoyed
Change the verb form
enjoy
be enjoyed
show examples
. By listening
music
Use synonyms
 from
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
era
Fix the agreement mistake
eras
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 good quality can make
people
Use synonyms
 happy,
such
Linking Words
 as
music
Use synonyms
 from
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
 generation they can
convered
Correct your spelling
converted
convert
 to new
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
show examples
 and they can
listening
Change the form of the verb
listen
show examples
 together.
Whereas
Linking Words
 there are
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
 of ages,but keep connected
n
Correct your spelling
and
 in touch in social lives.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
show examples
 we can
promotion
Replace the word
promote
show examples
 cultures. The market of tourism
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 to
promove
Correct your spelling
promote
 the
potensial
Correct your spelling
potential
of their tourism.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can bring
largest
Change the article
the largest
show examples
 income to
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, K-POP
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 to
representasion
Correct your spelling
representation
 their culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and get chances to tour around the world for the
concers
Correct your spelling
concerns
,
unconcious
Correct your spelling
unconscious
 they can bring big revenue to those countries.
Conclusion
Instead
Linking Words
 of
controvertion
Correct your spelling
contravention
controversial
controverting
 of
music
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
liked
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
, I
sure
Add a missing verb
am sure
show examples
 there are
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
 of
music
Use synonyms
 make off. Recently
music
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 part of
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourages
Change the verb form
encouraging
encouraged
show examples
 their culture and
took
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 it as
Correct article usage
a chances
show examples
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to get income.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a basic response to the prompt, but the points need further development. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea, and expand it thoroughly before moving on to the next point. Moreover, the conclusion is not clearly differentiated from the body paragraphs, which makes it challenging to discern your final stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is somewhat apparent, but it lacks clear transitions and logical sequencing of ideas. Also, the introduction and conclusions are not well-defined. A standard essay format includes an introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument, body paragraphs that support the argument with clear topic sentences, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the points made and restates the thesis. Use connectives to improve the flow from one idea to the next.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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