Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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people
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are
Verb problem
argue
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argued
music
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is
Correct article usage
a good
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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way to
conecting
Correct your spelling
connecting
people
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from
Replace the word
different
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differences
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different
show examples
cultures and ages. I
personaly
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personally
angree
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agree
, because it has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought
entertaiment
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entertainment
and promotion
culture
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of culture
show examples
by
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through
show examples
music
Use synonyms
. As can be seen, there are many
music
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people
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can
enjoyed
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enjoy
be enjoyed
show examples
. By listening
music
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from
different
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the different
show examples
era
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eras
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
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good quality can make
people
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happy,
such
Linking Words
as
music
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from
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
generation they can
convered
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converted
convert
to new
version
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versions
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and they can
listening
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listen
show examples
together.
Whereas
Linking Words
there are
gap
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gaps
show examples
of ages,but keep connected
n
Correct your spelling
and
in touch in social lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
by
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through
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
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we can
promotion
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promote
show examples
cultures. The market of tourism
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
music
Use synonyms
to
promove
Correct your spelling
promote
the
potensial
Correct your spelling
potential
of their tourism.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can bring
largest
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the largest
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income to
country
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the country
show examples
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, K-POP
use
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uses
show examples
music
Use synonyms
to
representasion
Correct your spelling
representation
their culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and get chances to tour around the world for the
concers
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concerns
,
unconcious
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unconscious
they can bring big revenue to those countries.
Instead
Linking Words
of
controvertion
Correct your spelling
contravention
controversial
controverting
of
music
Use synonyms
that
people
Use synonyms
liked
Wrong verb form
like
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, I
sure
Add a missing verb
am sure
show examples
there are
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
of
music
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make off. Recently
music
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
part of
Correct article usage
the country
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country
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country's
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economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourages
Change the verb form
encouraging
encouraged
show examples
their culture and
took
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
it as
Correct article usage
a chances
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chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
to get income.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a basic response to the prompt, but the points need further development. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea, and expand it thoroughly before moving on to the next point. Moreover, the conclusion is not clearly differentiated from the body paragraphs, which makes it challenging to discern your final stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is somewhat apparent, but it lacks clear transitions and logical sequencing of ideas. Also, the introduction and conclusions are not well-defined. A standard essay format includes an introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument, body paragraphs that support the argument with clear topic sentences, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the points made and restates the thesis. Use connectives to improve the flow from one idea to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
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