IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
Elder people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 allowed
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many countries
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any
age
. While there are negative consequences of
this
 notion, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages as it is good for old
ones
Change noun form
ones'
one's
show examples
 mental health. On the one hand, the main benefits of old people
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 at any
age
 is that they are more likely to be mentally healthier at jobs
instead
 of staying at home
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
without doing anything productive.
In other words
, they might feel isolated at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
 but in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 when they interact with other employees which no doubt keep them away
fromthe
Correct your spelling
from the
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.
For instance
,
nowdadys
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 due to busy
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
 young individuals are devoting less time
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 old ones which
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to affect their mental health somehow.
Thus
, if elder citizens indulge themselves in
work
, they not only feel happy and satisfied but
also
 they can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in
such
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
 by earning money and
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 taxes.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that the processing ability of elderly individuals
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been declined with time and
also
 they
losses
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the ability to think innovative. To elaborate, with the advancement of technology, they might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
learn new techniques and new systems to operate but
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 they can not process all of these due to
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
 memory and their speed of learning tend to become slow.
As a result
, it
hinder
Change the verb form
hinders
show examples
 the company's growth and performance. In conclusion,
although
 there are various negative aspects of not
limit
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
 the
age
 for
work
such
 as the processing ability which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 decline with time and less
adaptance
Correct your spelling
acceptance
adapting
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new technologies,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the merits outweigh the disadvantages due to the mental happiness which old ones
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 from job and their contribution to the society if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 allows them to
work
 at any
age
.
Submitted by priyankagill824 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: