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Band 6

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matter #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #matters
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In today's modern day and age, it has become prevalent that parents hold the right to make every small decision for their
children
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.
While
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 some people oppose
this
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 idea, from my point of view, it is important for the betterment of society as
children
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 will learn morality and courtesy in the long run. Some people argue that
children
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 must be given the freedom to choose whatever they want as it will bring responsibility from an early age as it is considered necessary for a prosperous lifestyle.
For example
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,
children
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 will learn how to present themself in front of others. Dressing sense is essential as it emits the personality of the individual.
Nevertheless
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, a
child
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 who makes decisions early on is more well-trained to accept challenges and come up with solutions.
Besides
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 that, they enable them to absorb more stress with a practical approach.
Furthermore
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, some individuals are against
this
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 mindset because they think
this
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 approach creates a negative personality in a
child
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. Parents must get involved in improving a
child
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's cognitive development as their attitude is immature.
For instance
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, if a
child
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 is given everything it requires from an early stage of his life, it may be possible that
children
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 may become egocentric if their wishes are not granted at a given period.
This
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 may create a selfish personality in the future, and because of that, they may not value any advice from anyone. In conclusion, younger people should be provided free wishes under the parent's guidance for a
child
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's mental and professional development.
As giving
Correct word choice
Giving
show examples
 full autonomy to
children
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 may be dangerous for society's infrastructure.
Submitted by samdanii678 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively structured and expanded upon to provide a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt to some extent, but the argument could be more effectively developed and supported with relevant examples and details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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