IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some believe that students should begin learning a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #students #language #school #subjects
While
 opponents contend that the emphasis should
instead
 be on courses that are required for schooling, it is generally accepted that allowing pupils to learn a foreign
language
 as soon as possible is crucial. Regarding the latter viewpoint, I wholeheartedly agree with it because going to
school
 already puts a lot of strain on students'
time
 and skills.
This
 first
school
 of thought holds that since
school
 topics alone have become a heavy load for young minds, they should learn additional languages after they graduate. Students must do a variety of assignments from their teachers, including projects, PowerPoint slides, homework, and lab experiments, in order to score well on examinations. They
consequently
 have a restricted amount of spare
time
 to learn a totally new
language
.
For instance
, students spend a lot of
time
 trying to learn natural science disciplines like math, biology, chemistry, and physics since they are so difficult. It would make sense if pupils starting to learn a new
language
 were unable to strike a balance between the two.
Therefore
, studying a foreign
language
 later in life, when they have the
time
 and resources to completely dedicate themselves to mastering the
language
, is more advantageous for young people.
According to
 the second
school
 of thought, young children should be taught a new
language
 in order to fully benefit from their developing minds. It should be emphasized that youngsters have a keen intellect and can pick up new vocabulary and grammar faster than adults, so they will need less
time
 to become proficient in these areas. After years of effort, young children who learn French or Spanish become fluent speakers of those languages.
As a result
, they won't experience any
further
 linguistic difficulties. In conclusion, as adolescents are more likely to be able to acquire a new
language
, it is true that pupils who start early can overcome linguistic barriers in the future. But
this
 would not only put a great deal of strain on kids
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but will
also
 cause them to lose focus on required topics.
Submitted by thanhannguyen2209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Consider providing a clearer introduction. It's beneficial to straightforwardly outline the arguments you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a more structured and logical layout of your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly separated.
Task Response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics can make your argument more compelling.
Task Response
In the conclusion, aim to more definitively state your opinion, summarizing the reasons behind your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the fluidity between paragraphs with better transitions, ensuring that the essay flows seamlessly from one idea to the next.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • cultural awareness
  • effective language acquisition
  • early exposure
  • natural pronunciation
  • intonation
  • foundational literacy skills
  • multilingual education
  • intensive study
  • foundational understanding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: