IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
It is often claimed that government should lower the budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
 in order to allocate more money to education. I personally believe that it is the best
way
 to improve educational quality.
However
,
arts
are need
Change the verb form
are needed
show examples
 for society.
To
Change preposition
From
show examples
way
Add an article
the way
show examples
 of my thinking, both of them will be of equal importance. There are various advantages to
chidren's
Correct your spelling
children's
 educational skills.
First
 and foremost, in our
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 there are a lot of schools
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 their students do not
provided
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 with important items.
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
Governments
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to provide them . They must study
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 everyone.
Moreover
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should supply the poorer families with books or other things. In my opinion, it has actually made the world a much better place. Equally importantly,
arts
are need
Change the verb form
are needed
show examples
 for society.
For instance
, after hard
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 people can enjoy listening to music or watching spectacles. As for me, I love listening to music. I love almost all singers. While some people might suggest that it has negatively affected our lives and society. As far as I am concerned, art has brought great benefits to
minkind
Correct your spelling
mankind
.
Furthermore
, if children study best
then
 they can become
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 artists. For
this
 reason,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
should
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lower the budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
 in order to allocate more money to education.
To
Change preposition
Way
show examples
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 of my conclusion, I reiterate my position that
this
 is a vast oversimplification of the situation. I believe that the hard
way
 is sometimes the best
way
. I think that the best
way
 to improve educational quality is government need lower the budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
 in order to allocate more money to education.
Submitted by asqar4997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: