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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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It is thought
by
Change preposition
apply
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some
people
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 that building more
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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facilities
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 is the optimal way to encourage the general public to
exercise
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 and better
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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, while others believe different measures are needed to promote
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 accessibility to
facilities
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 is important, it is not enough to improve the
health
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 of
general
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the general
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 public. According to some, building many and various kinds of
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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such
Linking Words
 as gyms, stadiums, courts and resorts plays a crucial role in improving public
health
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.
People
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 should be given the opportunity to have available space to get movement and
exercise
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 into their daily routine. Only two gyms for a town of five thousand
people
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 does not provide enough space and accessibility for all to benefit from the
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sport
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sports
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 services, which can easily be used as an excuse by
people
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 to continue to have
sedentary
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a sedentary
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 lifestyle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, seeing other
people
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 using these
facilities
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 and leading healthy lives can be an encouragement per se.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not an evident guarantee that with
adequate
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an adequate
the adequate
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 number of
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facilities
Add a comma
,facilities
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people
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 will participate in
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sport
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sports
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 activities. Personally, I have three gyms in my
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 alone, and even though it is very convenient, and seeing other
people
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 hit the gym motivates me to do the same, it is only for a brief moment. I believe other measures,
such
Linking Words
 as providing monthly check-ups and free trials in the existing
facilities
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 could solve the problem. Leading sedentary lives eventually catches up with
people
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’s
health
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, and seeing the detrimental effects it can have on a personal level through check-ups would be an effective way to motivate
people
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 to
exercise
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. Through free trials in the
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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facilities
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,
people
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 can have a chance to try different types of sports and see what is more
pleasure
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pleasurable
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 for them to stay consistent with. In conclusion, having
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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 equal to the amount of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 is an important step towards improving public
health
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, but it is not enough by itself as an encouragement to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise
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. Steps
such
Linking Words
 as monthly
check-up
Fix the agreement mistake
check-ups
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 and free trials bear the power of motivation
people
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 need to lead healthy lives.
Submitted by turalabdulsamad on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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