IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of thechnology. in what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? has this become a positive or negative development?

#people #thechnology #technology #relationships #become #development
Technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 changed how we communicate with one another over the
last
 decades. In my opinion, the new practices in
interaction
 have led to negative consequences, and
as a result
,
people
 may find themselves in dangerous situations and gradually lose their social
skills
 which are vital in every aspect of life. One of the evident effects of technology in our relationships is what
information
people
share
 with others and when they choose to
share
 it. Self-closure is a huge part of social
interaction
 and can help bring
people
 closer when used wisely.
However
, in online relationships, the tendency to
share
 private
information
,
intimate
Correct word choice
and intimate
show examples
 secrets happen much earlier compared to real-life.
People
 are relatively vigilant when it comes to sharing about themselves in
real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
show examples
, as they are more aware of immediate consequences, whereas on the internet, there are no repercussions and it is possible to disappear
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time.
Furthermore
, as
people
 are getting used to communicating online, they feel less and less need for
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
interaction
.
Although
 the research indicates that interacting by means of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 does not replace
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
interaction
,
people
’s actions show
otherwise
. As
people
share
 much of their private
information
 in a small short span of time, they lead themselves into dangerous situations. It is very difficult to figure out whether the person on the other side of the screen is real or
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 assumed a fake identity.
People
’s intimate
information
 can be misused,
shared
Correct word choice
and shared
show examples
 on other platforms without their knowledge and consent. As
people
 limit themselves to online
interaction
 only, they start to lose their valuable social
skills
. All of a sudden, having small talks,
going
Correct word choice
and going
show examples
 to the market become
anxiety inducing
Add a hyphen
anxiety-inducing
show examples
 activities. As humans, we cannot survive and function without the use of our social
skills
 whether in our family/intimate relationships, our workplace or our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 lives. In conclusion, as convenient as it is,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts of interacting with
people
 via technology
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 abundant.
Protecting
Change the verb form
To protect
show examples
 oneself from threatening situations and
to cherish
Change the verb form
cherishing
show examples
 our social
skills
, it is vital to monitor and limit its usage.
Submitted by turalabdulsamad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: