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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skill
Technology
 is important right now to
use
such
 as handphone and
lectop
Correct your spelling
laptop
lector
 for giving
information
, but there are problems disadvantage for society using that
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
 a person do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 using
kayboard
Correct your spelling
keyboard
 to writing and reading . In my opinion,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
people
 must
use
lectop
Correct your spelling
laptop
 and handphone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the system
information
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 online like education, business and many
platform
Change to a plural noun
platforms
show examples
. in
addation
Correct your spelling
addition
, many application is available
handphone
Change preposition
on handphone
show examples
such
 as
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, Facebook and Komputer many
campany
Correct your spelling
company
 do website to work
any
Change preposition
with any
show examples
 document.
On the other hand
, the impact is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
people
 lazy of thinking
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 doing something, because they are a habit of using any
aplication
Correct your spelling
application
, but sometimes young
people
poor
Add a missing verb
have poor
show examples
technology
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 hard to
use
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and PC.
Alternatif
Correct your spelling
Alternative
, For young
people
Add the comma(s)
,people
show examples
 has
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 using
kayboard
Correct your spelling
keyboard
 very hard to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 with other society right now, because every system was online to easy making some group and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 zoom meeting and goggle meet to study at the University.
Moreover
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
material education will share via
hand phone
Correct your spelling
handphone
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
application
apliciation
Correct your spelling
application
 so that it is
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 than using
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offline, but every
people
 need
studying
Change the verb form
to study
show examples
 how are using that so it is
effectively
Replace the word
effective
show examples
 for
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
 right now.
for example
, business online and cafe shop always
use
aplication
Correct your spelling
application
applications
 like Grab Food and Shopee to support our daily activities at home
Change preposition
In conculison
show examples
conculison
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclusions
, young
people
 need
studying
Change the verb form
to study
show examples
 using
Add an article
a hand
show examples
hand phone
Correct your spelling
handphone
show examples
 and
lectop
Correct your spelling
laptop
lector
, because
globalization
Correct article usage
the globalization
show examples
 era
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 activity using
technology
such
 as giving
information
, online business, cafe shop and making a group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
study must
use
 online which is easy and fast
information
 if we
are compare
Change the verb form
compare
show examples
 using by
paper
Add an article
the paper
a paper
show examples
 very long process so that the way we need
technology
 to do something.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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