IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people are of the view that industries and multinational companies, and not the government, should pay for the cost of ways to clean up the pollution they have created. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The world is developing at an accelerated pace. It is noteworthy to mention that
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 is being polluted at the same pace. Many environmentalists criticize that industries should bear the price for cleaning the mess they created. It is an unrealistic and biased view to blame the companies for polluting. It is everyone's responsibility to take part in making our premises green. It is true that industries are exploiting natural resources for their profits. But, from a broader perspective, they are generating employment, and giving citizens a better standard of life. They are minting profits but simultaneously paying hefty taxes to the governments.
In addition
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 to these taxes and royalties, taking the Government of India as an example, it is compulsory for Indian companies to spend about 2% of their generated revenue as part of their Corporate Social Responsibility by cleaning up the tanks, providing education to the poor and constructing drinking water facilities etc.
On the other hand
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, Governments play a pivotal role in developing living standards. They welcome large-scale factories and multinational companies to set up their plants and support them through various incentives.
Besides
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this
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, the responsibility of the state is to monitor the industries and put pollution levels under control in terms Air Quality Index, availability of potable water in every nook and corner of the country etc.
Hence
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,
to conclude
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, it is the duty of the entire society to extend its support to develop in more sustainable ways. Governments and businesses should join hands and seek help from academia in researching and developing state-of-the-art technologies that reduce pollution output economically.
Besides
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 these efforts, awareness in society is
also
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 a must to lessen the impact of pollution.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, and you set the context well. However, developing a more explicit thesis statement to outline your main points would strengthen it further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure is logical, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader more effectively. Make sure every paragraph has a clear focus and transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
While you present valid points and examples, try to incorporate more relevant examples that directly relate to the views discussed. This will enhance your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Content
You provided a balanced view of the arguments, discussing both sides before concluding with your opinion. This demonstrates critical thinking and an ability to analyze different perspectives.
Content
Your use of specific examples, like the Corporate Social Responsibility practices in India, adds credibility to your argument and engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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