Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience.

The scheme of allocating
money
is
hotly-debated
Add an article
a hotly-debated
show examples
topic in modern life. Several societies have
notion
Add an article
the notion
a notion
show examples
that keeping the
budget
in a
bank
is preferable, meanwhile,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other groups say that we should use it every moment when we have it in our wallet.
This
essay shall elucidate those paradigms and peddle up the reason why the
first
contention is more valuable than the
last
option.
To begin
with, we will gain numerous benefits when our
money
is saved in a
bank
. To exemplify, our
money
will be saved in exceptional protection. It happens because numerous banks have good security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
like protection
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
, the steel branch, etc.
Consequently
, we shall keep away from the risk
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that our
money
will be stolen
our
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
the disaster which will corrode our
budget
.
Furthermore
, we will gain profit from the
bank
rate every annual period because the
money
in our account will be exerted
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
activities. As an output, the banking institution will give us earlier profit, due to the fact we have given
trustness
Correct your spelling
trusted
trusts
.
Nevertheless
, using our
budget
when it
is exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
gives us several positive points.
For example
, when my
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
singer announced that he will make
concert
Add an article
the concert
a concert
show examples
, I should spend my
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the tickets.
As a result
, the happiness
hormone like
Add a hyphen
hormone-like
show examples
dopamine will
increased
Change the verb form
be increased
increase
show examples
because my desires have been accommodated.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exerting
money
whenever it is available makes us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn how to distribute the allocation cost for the priority business, that being the case, we might gain knowledge about the essential aspect
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the art of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
management. In conclusion, keeping
money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
bank
is a better determination than
fill
Wrong verb form
filling
show examples
our interests when we have coins in our pocket.
Although
, we shall achieve happiness,
however
, saving
money
might obliterate the risk
such
as catastrophe which shall destruct our
budget
or a thief who wants to steal it.
Then
, we are able to acquire the profit from the
bank
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: