IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good mebers of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #mebers #society #school #place
Some argue that
parents
 should mould youngsters on how to be
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society while others believe, it is best taught in
school
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the
parents
 are
disciplinarian
Fix the agreement mistake
disciplinarians
show examples
 and they only want the best for their
children
. In my opinion, nowadays, in
school
, ethics subject is
also
 part of the curriculum where students learn and must abide
to
Change the preposition
by
show examples
 it which is more effective in shaping them to be good members of our community. Since
parents
 are the
first
 teachers and home is the
first
 classroom for
children
 to learn values and respect to be good citizens in the future.
This
 situation only applies to those
parents
 who are strict when it comes to
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
.
For example
, in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, majority of the
children
 are neglected because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
parents
 lack
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 minors are engaging
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 alcohol or drugs. In my
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
,
although
,
parents
 play a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the child's development to be a good citizen of our future, it is more important that
children
 should be taught at
school
 for
strict
Change the word
strictly
show examples
 compliance. In
school
, students are taught values and ethics
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they are compelled to accomplish in order to pass. In
this
 way, at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age, they will learn due to its strict adherence and it will inculcate in their young minds the good behaviour that was being taught.
For instance
, in Japan, good moral and right conduct was incorporated centuries past and
Japaneses
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 good behaviours
such
 as being respectful and polite are something they are proud of wherever they will go. I do believe, that
school
 is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 effective way for
children
 to acquire good
characterictics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 for them to be
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
parents
 are essential for the child's development
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact they are born to be "
copy cats
Correct your spelling
copycats
show examples
"
however
,
school
 is the best way for
children
 to learn good behaviour because of its strict compliance that contributes to their success to be good members of our society.
Submitted by namlaemy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: