IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides.

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The number of
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 crimes is increasing every year. Some would argue, that the
most clear
Change the adjective
clearest
show examples
 way is to use
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty as a deterrent, while others say that other measures will be needed. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 killing criminals is the quick and easy solution, my perspective is that the punishment must be reliant on
Use synonyms
offence
Correct article usage
the offence
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that was
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
. On the one hand, killing all is showing
strict
Correct article usage
the strict
show examples
Use synonyms
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
 position. By knocking all criminals down
government
Use synonyms
 informs others people which want to commit
offence
Use synonyms
   about their future
detterment
Correct your spelling
betterment
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Saudi Arabia all citizens who
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 any kind of
offence
Use synonyms
 would
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 their finger as a penalty for the
first
Linking Words
 time,
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 time the whole arm would be cut.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don't see
this
Linking Words
 method as
solving
Add an article
a solving
the solving
show examples
Correct article usage
the problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, because
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 can frame other
identity
Fix the agreement mistake
identities
show examples
 and it would be unfair that
innocent
Correct article usage
an innocent
show examples
 person would suffer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving punishment which
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
offence
Correct article usage
the offence
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 would reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people
Correct pronoun usage
who break
show examples
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
 the law. It means,
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
show examples
 and individual approach which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
more fair
Replace the words
fairer
show examples
 and
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of true justice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, residents would feel more safely due to
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 clear and fair law and jail system. As an example, in Switzerland for each
tye
Correct your spelling
type
show examples
 of
crime
Add a comma
,crime
show examples
 the custodial sentence is already known which leads to
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 each year. I believe,
this
Linking Words
 method is preferable, because when identity already knew the sentence,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 would never commit a murder. In conclusion, while execution is the easiest and quick solution which shows strict
Use synonyms
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
 position doesn't solve the problem actually that's why it's
more fair
Replace the words
fairer
show examples
 to treat criminals individually.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • ethical considerations
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • community policing
  • public opinion
  • recidivism rates
  • community-driven initiatives
  • modern policing methods
  • death penalty
  • serious crimes
  • crime rates
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