In some countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?
There is no doubt that finding a job is essential for any individual. It is believed that to find better jobs
people
should leave their countries and loved ones. Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
this
has benefits it is Linking Words
also
coming with drawbacks. Linking Words
This
essay will discuss the pros and cons and give my opinion.
On the one hand, moving to another country to find Linking Words
work
has benefits, one of them, it gives Use synonyms
people
access to employment opportunities and high salaries. Use synonyms
in other words
, most companies seek to hire independent workers who have no Linking Words
families
and Use synonyms
friends
to spend time with to ensure that they have more time to commit to their Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, Linking Words
people
will have more chances to get hired if they move alone and Use synonyms
this
will come with the advantage of a high salary. Linking Words
For instance
, Egyptian workers in Jordan have more chances to Linking Words
work
in a variety of jobs and even Use synonyms
work
for more than one job to get more money to send back to their Use synonyms
families
and relatives.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, leaving Linking Words
families
and Use synonyms
friends
leads to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which affects their mental health. To explain more, Use synonyms
people
who Use synonyms
moved
to Wrong verb form
move
work
away from their hometown lose connection with their Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
due to
their busy lives. They engage in daily life activities and Linking Words
work
demands. Use synonyms
As a consequence
, Linking Words
this
causes cutting ties with Linking Words
families
and Use synonyms
friends
. Use synonyms
For example
, Arabs who moved to the USA and with the long distance started to cut their relationship with Linking Words
families
and decide not to return home for good.
In conclusion, despite the benefits of having employment opportunities and high salaries and, in my Use synonyms
opinion
the drawbacks of losing the connection of your family and Add a comma
opinion,
friends
will affect Use synonyms
people
’s lives forever.Use synonyms
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Incorporating a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences can add variety and depth to your writing.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, further develop your examples by providing more detailed contexts or outcomes. This can add more depth to your argument and support your points more robustly.
Task Response
The essay presents a well-balanced view on the topic, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear organisational structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
Task Achievement
You made effective use of specific examples, such as Egyptian workers in Jordan, to support your points, making your argument more convincing.