IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies?

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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In the contemporary ,world more and more teenagers acquiesce
with
Change preposition
to
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 the fact that spending their time earning money and gaining
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 through discovering a new country during a gap year after graduating from high school is a better way to have
experience
Use synonyms
 than
university
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of parents are considering
this
Linking Words
as
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apply
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a waste of time with
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main reason that
probability
Correct article usage
the probability
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 of getting
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
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 paid and decent job is relatively high with
diploma
Add an article
a diploma
the diploma
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. The dispute has sparked a heated debate among people
,
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apply
show examples
 while having pros and cons on
the
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apply
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both sides of the equation.
However
Linking Words
, I am strongly convinced that taking a gap year would lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive impact on a student’s ability to adapt
in
Change preposition
to
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 a real-life situation and can make a huge difference in either personal or professional skills. There are several cogent reasons why proponents of a conventional way of building
carrier
Correct article usage
a carrier
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 claim that it is better to study at a
university
Use synonyms
 with
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main one being that in the past individuals could have a satisfying salary only by having a
university
Use synonyms
 degree. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 way is old-fashioned and doesn’t guarantee that you would get it that easy, even after finishing
Correct article usage
a top-university
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top-
Correct your spelling
top university
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university
Use synonyms
 in your country. In my point of view, employers demand
Use synonyms
experience
Add an article
the experience
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 of the possible worker more than the education he or she has. I contend that the best scenario after finishing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school is to try yourself in different and distinct spheres
,
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apply
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 while getting priceless
experience
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 and chasing the field in which a person is interested.
Also
Linking Words
,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
 of taking a free year could help to relieve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress after an underestimated load of study. According to Harvard
Use synonyms
university
Add a comma
,university
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 about
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
Linking Words
 of students
experience
Use synonyms
 severe depression due to school exams.
Suicides
Fix the agreement mistake
Suicide
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 is flourishing by leaps and bounds due to an
exhausted
Replace the word
exhaustive
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 which students often have In
conclusion
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,conclusion
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 I believe that
notion
Correct article usage
the notion
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 that people ought to have at least a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree is indeed positive, but recognizing the importance of relaxing and gaining
experience
Use synonyms
, it is significant to encourage graduates to be wiser about their choice.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: