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Band 6.5

Nowadays, most countries can improve living standards through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #standards #development #values #phenomenon
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Over the
last
 two or three decades, the lifestyle of
people
 has changed dramatically
due to
 advancements in technology. These days, nations are in the race to improve living standards by improving economic conditions and ignoring social values.
Although
, there could be some drawbacks,
according to
 me the positives hold more significance. To commence with, economic development has improved the lifestyles of individuals in many parts of the world. To explain, better economic conditions create more job opportunities and employment options for the younger generation which leads to a decline in poverty and helps to enhance living conditions.
Moreover
, the government is working for the betterment of their country by investing in technological advancements to provide more and more jobs and employment opportunities to encourage poor society to be educated and successful. Another worth considering factor is the tourism industry which contributes to a greater extent to
Wrong verb form
uplifting
show examples
uplift
Wrong verb form
uplifting
show examples
 the economy of a nation.
For example
, many countries are taking advantage of their cultural and heritage buildings because a significant number of
people
 from all parts of the world visit these places and contribute to enhancing the economic development of the nation. The money can be used to construct buildings and to provide food to needy
people
 to improve their lifestyle.
On the other hand
, there is an argument that social values have lost their importance in the race for success because
people
 are more into self-growth and don't understand the value of relationships which results in the decline of social- interaction and respect for others. In conclusion,
while
, the respect and value for relationships have declined with the advancements in life and economic development, I believe that improved standards of living and more employment options are more significant to decrease poverty rate and unemployment.
Submitted by sainisonia422 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your points are clearly linked and well-organized. Some points seemed to lack a clear connection or transition.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explore both the advantages and disadvantages equally to provide a balanced argument.
Lexical Resource
Try to diversify your vocabulary with more high-level words and less common phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advanced
  • boost
  • economic growth
  • income disparity
  • rapid urbanization
  • social cohesion
  • traditional customs
  • sustainable development
  • consumerism
  • globalization
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