IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the media is responsible for violence in society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #violence #society
People
 in society should
Add a missing verb
be responsbie
show examples
responsbie
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for
media
 violence. I strongly believe in
this
 opinion and
this
 will be discussed in
this
 essay. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 present day, everyone is able to access
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
media
 easier than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. For offline
media
,
information
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 presented on television or
out of home
Add a hyphen
out-of-home
show examples
media
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 slower than online,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they are more powerful and impact. As
people
 in every age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 get used to
this
 kind of
media
. They
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 believed and convinced easily
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 what
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 showing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
For example
, Thai citizens feel that the more skin
brighter
Add a missing verb
is brighter
show examples
, the more they are beautiful.
This
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 is a result of skin whitening cream advertisements in Thailand. Luckily, the trend of western skin and gender equity are adopted. Nowadays, Thai
people
 are more
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
. Another concern is on online
media
, there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
public
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 screening
information
 or
sensoring
Correct your spelling
censoring
 photos and videos. A lot of
people
 consume fake news and
inpropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
appropriate
media
.
Moreover
, a number of online users are deceived to give their personal
information
 to criminals. Once they give the
information
, their names were used in many illegal ways. Aside from
this
, my father was deceived to transfer money to someone who said he is a back staff. Sadly, they are not and a
tun
Correct your spelling
ton
show examples
 of money was gone.
Therefore
,
people
 should screen any
information
 for themself and for others before
transfering
Correct your spelling
transferring
 or publishing
information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
. In conclusion,
this
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement since offline
media
 is a very powerful tool that could empower
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and online
media
 is the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
fastest way to spread
information
,
however
, the
information
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not screened and
sensored
Correct your spelling
censored
sponsored
 by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Submitted by ak.porawan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: