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Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
It is common that in some cultures,
the
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apply
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adults the
children
 if they can try their best, they can make their dream come true. It is important to encourage
children
 to put
efford
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effort
on
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into
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 the
tragets
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tragedies
 in life but there are some benefits and drawbacks. On one hand, it is good to keep
children
's attention to
concentrat
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concentrate
 on their goals by compliments.
For example
, in
west
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western
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 culture, when
the
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apply
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kids
 fell
the
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apply
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exams,
insteads
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instead
 of blaming them, their parents
alwyas
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always
 encourage their
kids
 that they have
learn
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learned
show examples
 a lot and they believe in them that they would be better
next
 time.
Therefore
, people always compliment and inspire
children
 to try anything they want to do to explore their interests, even though it might take them some time to figure out. It is
worlthy
Correct your spelling
worthy
worth
 a try not to destroy the young
kids
' interest at
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
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 and grow up confidently.
On the other hand
, there
are
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is
show examples
 some negative
impact
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impacts
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 on the words because
the
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apply
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young
children
 might not have the talent
on
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for
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 the things they try to reach.
Therefore
, it wastes the time
of
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apply
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learning the field that they will never
learned
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learn
show examples
 well in life.
For instance
, a young kid is
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a talent
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talent
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talented
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 at art and he/she is
terriable
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terrible
on
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at
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sport
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sports
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, but he/she is insisting
to
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on
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 being a basketball player. It would
destroyed
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destroy
show examples
 the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 confidence. In
conculsion
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conclusion
, I believe though there are
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
 and drawbacks
for
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to
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 the words, it had brought positive to encourage the
kids
 which help them focus on their goals and build up their confidence to face the
probloms
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problems
problem
.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: