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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people today are moving from the countryside. Why is this happening? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

In recent times, people are migrating from small towns to metropolitan cities for manifold reasons. Better job opportunities and availability of
facilities
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 are the significant objectives which are expanding rapidly. I believe
this
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 is a positive development for individuals and for nations
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, most youngsters are more inclined towards urban
areas
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 in order to have immense career growth. As small towns do not have different job possibilities as per their respective careers.
Due to
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this
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, they tend to
withstand
Verb problem
stay
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 there with low wages.
For instance
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, in 2020, during the economic crisis in
India
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India,
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 where financial losses were high, people from rural
areas
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 were migrating to cities in contemplation of earning a better income.
Therefore
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, by getting professional advancements in one career, one chooses to move towards big cities to get a better education.
Furthermore
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, in the countryside, communities do not have proper public
facilities
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such
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 as hospitals, schools, transport and many more.
Due to
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this
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, parents migrated from small towns to urban
areas
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 with a view to
save
Wrong verb form
saving their
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 child’s future. To cite an example, many individuals moved to Norway as it has the highest medical
facilities
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 and universities
so
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, so
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 that they can have access to the best healthcare solutions and superior schooling.
Hence
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, they are likely to be perpetually settled in different nations.
To conclude
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, the mobility of citizens from remote
areas
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 to suburbs is an optimistic step
providing
Punctuation problem
, providing
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 plenty of career options for students. Substantially,
this
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 phenomenon is a good step for the old generation to get appropriate healthcare
facilities
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.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence
Make sure to connect your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow.
coherence
Include a clearer transition between your points.
introduction/conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that presents your main ideas well.
supported main points
You discuss both job opportunities and facilities as reasons, which is good.
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