IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government investment in the art such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #art #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
While some argue that the government is losing some money due to the investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural aspects
such
 as music and museums, others insist that the government should spend more money using public services. I am more inclined to the latter statement
although
 I partly admit the former argument. On one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art generally makes
people
's lives rich, especially, in terms of emotional aspects.
For instance
, research indicates that children who used to play any type of
instruments
Fix the agreement mistake
instrument
show examples
 show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher communication skills, partly
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they interact with
people
 with their
diret
Correct your spelling
direct
 emotions when they grew up.
Moreover
, our lives would be faded without
siging
Correct your spelling
singing
signing
 a song or observing
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amazing historical
beauties
Correct the article-noun agreement
beauty
show examples
.
This
 is mainly because
people
 may need to coexist with
such
 an extraordinary thing.
On the other hand
, the pandemic and the war in Ukraine have
chaged
Correct your spelling
changed
 the way we live.
For instance
,
people
 in China are still demanding more vaccines
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of dead
people
 is significantly increasing these days.
Furthermore
,citizens in Ukraine are desperate for energy services during
this
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
 cold weather. Taking two cases into account, the government and international societies should cooperate together to tackle the tough urgent issues. In conclusion, whereas it is essential for
people
 to make better lives,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments ought to spend a considerable amount of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 particular countries in
this
 complex world.
Submitted by flower84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: