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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people should give healthcare the first priorities; somre others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #healthcare #first #priorities #somre #taxpayers #money
It is believed that governments should spend taxes on providing
healthcare
service
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services
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,
facilities
Correct word choice
and facilities
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firstly
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first
show examples
, whereas other people believe other things are much more important than
healthcare
. While I understand other areas,
such
 as
inflastructures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
, job opportunities,
Correct word choice
and educations
show examples
educations
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education
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,should be financed
healthcare
 should be
prioritalized
Correct your spelling
prioritized
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way of taxes, because citizens could not live with only
health
, I believe that
healthcare
 is the priority for
taxpays’
Correct your spelling
taxpayer’s
 money because
health
 is the basis of humans’ activities. On the one hand, nowadays, there are many problems, which government are responsible
for
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apply
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.
To ensure
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Ensuring
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 the
health
 of individuals is significant, but it does not
means
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mean
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 governments can ignore
another problems
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another problem
other problems
show examples
, which are related to poverty, destruction of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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, education,
inflastructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
, housing, and so on.
For instance
, there are many developing countries where there are
unsufficient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
show examples
inflastructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 and residents, and these worse
environment
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environments
show examples
 generate
another problems
Replace the adjective
another problem
other problems
show examples
,
such
 as infections,
diseases
Correct word choice
and diseases
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. Even if much money
are
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is
show examples
 spent on
healthcare
, it does not have any
mean
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meaning
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 under worse housing situations.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
healthcare
 is the
fundation
Correct your spelling
foundation
 of
human’s
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human
show examples
 life.It means If individuals do not have
Correct article usage
a healt
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healt
Correct your spelling
health
healthy
 body and mental, almost all people would not do any activity, which
are
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is
show examples
 working and learning something and childrearing
on
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in
show examples
 their lives.
In addition
, if
large
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a large
show examples
 amount of money is assigned to other areas, like education,
citizenz
Correct your spelling
citizens
citizen
 could not do anything without
health
. And it might cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 productivity as a whole. In Nothern European countries,
for example
, people can take
healthcare
service
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services
show examples
 for free, and it leads to the efficiency of nations’ life
such
 as work, education, and so on.
Additionally
, their GDP
are
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is
show examples
 much higher than any other
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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. In conclusion, even though there are many significant
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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 to be assigned tax, I
reitelate
Correct your spelling
reiterate
reiterated
 that
healthcare
 is the most important division because it makes
humans’
Change noun form
humans
show examples
basis
Correct article usage
the basis
show examples
 of all activities.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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