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Band 1

nNowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

#nnowadays #children #computer #games #case #development
The graphs illustrate the information about the total proportion
in
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of
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 normal meals of three kinds of powers, which eating too much would be unhealthy. From an overall perspective, most of the materials will be added to the
dinner
. Looking at the charts in more detail, we can see the average percentage of sodium contain 14% in snacks, 14% in breakfast, 29% in lunch, and the main consumed
dinner
 43% in the USA.
Furthermore
, the data
of
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on
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 saturated fat has eaten 16% from breakfast ,21% from snacks, 26%% from lunch, and most of the public getting saturated fat from
dinner
 for 37%.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 people in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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ofter
Correct your spelling
often
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 consume added sugar from snacks stand for 42%,
dinner
 for 3%, lunch
19
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for 19
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%, and 16% for breakfast. In conclusion, we should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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about
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of
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 the materials
contain
Wrong verb form
contained
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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meals and reduce the quality to avoid the
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
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 addition
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
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in to
Join the words
into
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 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
Submitted by yeona030826 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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