IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #governments #funds #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
world
Use synonyms
 today is constantly growing, and there seem to be very few things bringing us all together. Arts,
music
Use synonyms
 and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 are areas which are actively been observed to attract large groups of people around the
world
Use synonyms
. I believe that the
money
Use synonyms
 the government is investing in improving these
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 is not a waste. Art has always been known to tell stories about our past and represent our present.
Therefore
Linking Words
 when
such
Linking Words
 a powerful weapon is shared among millions of people, it comes to great power.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that art brings tourism, which
furthur
Correct your spelling
further
 helps in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy and
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 exchange rates.
For
Linking Words
Example
Add a comma
,Example
show examples
 when
national
Correct article usage
a national
show examples
 exhibition happens on a large level, all the profit through any sale of the art goes to the government
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
then
Linking Words
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to improve public services.
Music
Use synonyms
 and theatre
also
Linking Words
 tend to play a very
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 role in tourism and boosting the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what the language they might be in , because of its rhythm and style it makes everyone feel aligned to relate and listen to it.
For instance
Linking Words
 the biggest boy band in the
world
Use synonyms
, BTS contributes to about 80% of South Korea's Economy.
This
Linking Words
 is done by bringing in tourism or selling
music
Use synonyms
 around the
world
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe a rightful amount of
money
Use synonyms
 should be dedicated to Arts,
music
Use synonyms
 and
threatre
Correct your spelling
theatre
 while keeping in mind that public services need that investment in
money
Use synonyms
 too. The
money
Use synonyms
 brought from these
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 should be put towards public services
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to improve the
quailty
Correct your spelling
quality
 of life for the people too. If both are done in balance by the government everyone can benefit from
this
Linking Words
 greatly.
Submitted by pratibhabhatia02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: