Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that arts-related
subjects
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are as important as other
school
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subjects
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during primary
school
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. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because these
subjects
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can help children discover their talents from an early age and boost their confidence. First and foremost, the reason why I believe creative
subjects
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are essential in primary
school
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,
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is because it allows
students
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to find out their potential talents early on.
That is
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to say,
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school-age
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school age
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is the most convenient time for
students
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to work on their interests, and it is easier for them to pursue their hobbies when they are young. They will probably not
to
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have time in the future to work on their talented skills as they will have other responsibilities to do.
For example
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, well-known singers were discovered by their primary
school
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teachers, and they claimed that they could not discover their talent later on if their teacher did not realize it during their
school
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times.
Moreover
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, another reason
of
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for
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my statement is that these kinds of active
subjects
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can enhance their self-confidence. It means that these
subjects
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are required to perform in front of others. So when
students
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perform in the big auditory, they can improve their confidence and even socialize with other
students
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.
For instance
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, psychologists suggest that shy
students
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who struggle with social anxiety should go to drama classes as it can help them. In conclusion,
this
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essay completely agrees that music, art, and drama have the same value as other
subjects
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in primary
school
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because it allows children to discover their hidden talents early on and increase their self-confidence.
Submitted by nazrin.ceferova on

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advice for introduction
Expand on the explanation within the introduction, possibly by briefly introducing the main arguments that will be discussed. This will help guide the reader entirely and set clear expectations for the essay’s body.
advice for content development
While your ideas are clear, you can still work on making some examples and points more precise by including more detailed evidence or data, if available. More specific examples often enhance argumentation.
strength in task achievement
The essay successfully establishes a clear position on the topic and consistently supports this position throughout the essay.
strength in coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, providing a sense of completeness to the discussion.
strength in coherence and cohesion
The points within each paragraph are logically structured, with a good flow from one to the next, helping to maintain a coherent argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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