IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high Level degree. Do you agree or disagree?

People
Use synonyms
 have differing views with regard to the question of which employers should gain
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. In my opinion, both views have the same strong reasons and in
this
Linking Words
 , the essay I will discuss both views in close
sight
Check wording
detail
show examples
. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who do physical
work
Use synonyms
 may believe that their job
needs
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of fitness and hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 results in consuming more and different
dishes
Check wording
types
show examples
 of food, and
in addition
Linking Words
, they need to be healthy and fit.
For example
Linking Words
, employers who
work
Use synonyms
 in factories need to do a
lot
Use synonyms
 of hard
work
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they should be careful with dealing with different equipment
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
as
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 they may harm
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 if
lose
Correct pronoun usage
they lose
show examples
 their attention.That means a
lot
Use synonyms
 of dangerous actions and threats face these
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
.Working among these threats may cost their lives.
these
Fix capitalization
These
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 really make a oflot risks to live in good and fair life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that folks who spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time studying and making a
lot
Use synonyms
 of offers to pass complicated subjects
be
Verb problem
should be
show examples
 paid fair money.
For instance
Linking Words
, a doctor who spent seven years in university did a
lot
Use synonyms
 of assessments and paid a
lot
Use synonyms
 of fees to gain his degree
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 doctor must
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours and stay all night with patients or on call . There are various types of getting high pay,
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 should pay those who have a high degree.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that employers who do more physical
work
Use synonyms
 should be paid enough salary
, ,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
,
Correct word order
however,however
show examples
Linking Words
however
Correct word order
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have a high degree can
also
Linking Words
have fair
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 enough money.

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task
Be clear on your view. State a simple position in the intro and keep a main idea in the body to back it up with two or three reasons.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and finish with a short wrap-up.
development
Give direct link between idea and example. Use real but simple examples that fit the point.
language
Use simple grammar and linking words to connect ideas.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
structure
It uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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