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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

7. In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society?

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In recent years, many
parents
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 in some parts of the world, want their
children
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 to spend long hours studying in school and after it.
This
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 results in leaving youngsters with little free
time
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 to play and socialise with their friends and their family.
This
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 essay believes that
this
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 has a negative effect on
children
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 because
this
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 will lead to
children
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 being socially impaired when they become adults. It will
also
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 lead to a community with no
values
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 and communication among each other.
Although
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 studying for many hours has its benefits
such
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 as receiving good grades on exams, it
also
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 isolates people.
This
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 means that with no
time
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 to interact with others,
children
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 become lonely and even depressed if it continues for a long
time
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.
Then
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, even as ,adults they struggle to create connections and they remain depressed, and some might commit suicide.
For example
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, Japan has the highest teenage
suicidal
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suicide
show examples
 rates because their
parents
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 expect them to spend long hours learning.
In addition
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, studying for long periods has a negative effect on our community. Families lose their
values
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 when
children
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 are not around. They miss a lot of
time
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 playing together and teaching them about family tradition and their culture.
For instance
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, many families whose
children
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 spend little or no
time
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 with their
parents
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, are not aware of family
values
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 and traditions. In conclusion, there is no doubt that education and learning have many
values
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 and benefits which will
serve
Verb problem
help
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 youngsters to become decent citizens for themselves and their community;
however
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, there should be a well-balanced
time
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 between education and free
time
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 and
parents
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 are mainly responsible
to
Change preposition
for
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 make that happen.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and comprehensive introduction with a well-defined thesis statement. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position on the issue.
task achievement
Be careful with relevant specific examples related to the prompt. Focus on providing examples and ideas that are directly relevant to the topic given.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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