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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, some adolescents’s
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 is their daily essential, to bring and use all day. 20
th
Correct word choice
20th
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 century is
technology based
Add a hyphen
technology-based
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,
following
Correct word choice
and following
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 that, usage of smart
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 is becoming
Add an article
a
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trend and people are neglecting the down-sides of
this
 issue.
Firstly
, we bring our smartphones to every place we go, even in our bed and lose our time sense
while
 scrolling.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
show examples
 study shows, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electrical devices radiate that ray of
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is known as the
blue-light
Correct your spelling
blue light
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. It’s harmful to our eyes and
also
 when we’re under
blue-light
Correct article usage
the blue-light
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 effect, the brain releases dopamine hormone. Hormone that creates addiction.
This
 is the alarming reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 case. In recent years, more and more people are going to
opthalmologists
Correct your spelling
ophthalmologists
, to get glasses. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 under
effect
Add an article
the effect
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 of the ultralights.
Secondly
, our life highly depends on our usage of smart devices,
such
 as phones, computers and even
smart watches
Correct your spelling
smartwatches
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. We know the disadvantages of them, but we tend to rely
in
Change the preposition
on
upon
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 our electronics. In my opinion,
this
 development of
humankind’
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humankind’s
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 has negative impacts, that we consider more thoroughly.
For example
,
in
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on
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 social media
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,
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 there are so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 unfiltered news, unnecessary information and censored graph. Information overload is happening to all of us.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to 20 years back,
this
 generation’s people become more
stressful
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stressed
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 and keen to do things fast as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 loads. Globalization and networking is very beneficial to our life but it surely has disadvantages that
this
 essay mentioned above. In sum, some kids spend
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 time on their smartphones. Sure,
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices are becoming
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 equipment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives. But before we surf
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet, filter the news that
you’re
Correct pronoun usage
we’re
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 reading ,
know
Correct word choice
and know
show examples
 about how technology works and how it affects us negatively.
Submitted by sb.angar2011 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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