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Band 6

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
Costless
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 should be able in every country
such
 as Canada and Australia because it is one of the basic needs for living. Nowadays,
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
services
 are getting very expensive, and every person cannot afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. There are both merits and demerits
for
Change preposition
to
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this
 opinion. In my view, all countries should have mandatory
health
services
 free of cost.
First
 of all, free
treatment
 is necessary for every part of
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
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.
This
 may help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to stay away from deceases and be healthy.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
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 pay taxes. The government takes
fixed
Add an article
a fixed
show examples
 percentage from salary as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insurance every month.
However
, people do not take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
 each month.
For instance
, in the USA if the family have a low income, the government divides the income for each family member and if the amount of salary
under
Add a missing verb
is under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fixed number, they will return their paid taxes and gives Medical or Medicare insurance for free. As a matter of fact, the progress of medical technologies and research are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 better, respectively the value of
treatment
 rising. At the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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 new equipment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 introduced which makes the operation process easy and fast. If the government will cover the
treatment
 for citizens, they will be able to take
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 for free.
This
 might decrease the mortality and increase
natality
Correct article usage
the natality
show examples
 nation. In conclusion, every country must be provided
services
 without money for the development of the republic.
In addition
, new medical
treatment
 should be devoted to the patients
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
This
 could help to enlarge the life expectancy rate of the citizen
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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