IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
In
this
 period of globalisation,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 is one of
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to study, including bachelor, master, and
doctor
Replace the word
doctorate
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
However
,
student
admission
 has to be based on both academic and non-academic in the
University
. I firmly disagree with
this
 notion, and my opinion will be discussed in
further
 paragraphs with a sensible conclusion.
To begin
 with, college
admission
 might be undertaken through
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
 selection system. In
this
 circumstance, academic awards are closely related to formal education in class or
campus
Change preposition
on campus
show examples
, the academic selection process could be seen from the GPA, particularly towards the
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree.
For instance
,
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
admission
 standard
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 The
University
 of Birmingham for Indonesians is to have
3.00
Correct article usage
a 3.00
show examples
/4.00 GPA. As a sequence, students who have do not appropriate entry requirements, it means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they cannot apply
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
University
.
Furthermore
,
student
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women who have achievements in
non-academic
Correct your spelling
non-academics
show examples
 can be approved
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
campus
Add an article
the campus
show examples
.
In other words
, non-academic achievements are off-campus where
this
 program is usually devoted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 students who actively participate in extracurricular activities outside the classroom,
such
 as winning international competitions, becoming international-level presenters, and scientific publications.
For example
, Umam
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
won the gold medal in the English debate contest in England since 2017.
As a result
,
this
 will be considered by the campus for
admission
 and not based on the number of genders. To sum up,
although
student
 acceptance is not based on both
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women, neither
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 good academic nor non-academic will lead to
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
show examples
 selection process.
However
, it will depend upon the stakeholder
university
 mindsets and which view they favour.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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