An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays, the number of overweight kids is rising and causes countless harmful effects. These

children

Use synonyms

will face difficulties as they grow up related to their health condition and the amount of money they will have to pay to deal with the problems. I argue that the popularity of convenience food is responsible for kids

having

Verb problem

gaining

show examples

more weight, so

this

Linking Words

essay will provide solutions to how society can tackle the problem.

Firstly

Linking Words

, in modern-day families, both parents have a job, and it is uncommon for one to stay home, rearing

children

Use synonyms

. The job market is competitive and demands employees to work hard,

for example

Linking Words

, for extra hours or even from their homes.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they do not always have time or energy to prepare meals for their offspring and choose fast food as a

Linking Words

last moment

Correct your spelling

last-minute

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solution. Convenience food contains high levels of fat and sugar or enough nutrients and vitamins,

therefore

Linking Words

it is easier for kids to gain extra weight or even become obese. It is crucial to

solving

Wrong verb form

solve

show examples

the problem of numerous overweight

children

Use synonyms

because

otherwise

Linking Words

, they will suffer from medical conditions in their adulthood and will spend money to try to deal with them. The first way is to educate students from an early age on the importance of following a balanced diet and consuming the necessary nutrients.

Subsequently

Linking Words

, they will be more careful about their choices and not crave unhealthy meals.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the state can help by providing healthy meals,

for instance

Linking Words

, salads and soups, ready for consumption, which parents will buy when they do not have time to cook. In conclusion, the number of overweight

children

Use synonyms

should decline to prevent them from having issues that will cost a lot to fix later in life.

This

Linking Words

essay argued that the limited free hours that parents have to cook are responsible for

this

Linking Words

situation and provided possible solutions to eliminate it.

Submitted by stellavasil52 on Wed Jan 18 2023

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task response

The response addresses the task, but some points could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive answer.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good use of linking words and cohesive devices. However, some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and supporting details.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

312 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some think that students must travel to another country in order to learn its language and customs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?

Physical fitness is essential for a healthy lifestyle. How important is it for schools to include physical education in their curriculum, and what can be done to ensure students remain active outside of school