An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays, the number of overweight kids is rising and causes countless harmful effects. These

children

will face difficulties as they grow up related to their health condition and the amount of money they will have to pay to deal with the problems. I argue that the popularity of convenience food is responsible for kids

having

Verb problem

gaining

show examples

more weight, so

this

essay will provide solutions to how society can tackle the problem.

Firstly

, in modern-day families, both parents have a job, and it is uncommon for one to stay home, rearing

children

. The job market is competitive and demands employees to work hard,

for example

, for extra hours or even from their homes.

Consequently

, they do not always have time or energy to prepare meals for their offspring and choose fast food as a

last moment

Correct your spelling

last-minute

show examples

solution. Convenience food contains high levels of fat and sugar or enough nutrients and vitamins,

therefore

it is easier for kids to gain extra weight or even become obese. It is crucial to

solving

Wrong verb form

solve

show examples

the problem of numerous overweight

children

because

otherwise

, they will suffer from medical conditions in their adulthood and will spend money to try to deal with them. The first way is to educate students from an early age on the importance of following a balanced diet and consuming the necessary nutrients.

Subsequently

, they will be more careful about their choices and not crave unhealthy meals.

Moreover

, the state can help by providing healthy meals,

for instance

, salads and soups, ready for consumption, which parents will buy when they do not have time to cook. In conclusion, the number of overweight

children

should decline to prevent them from having issues that will cost a lot to fix later in life.

This

essay argued that the limited free hours that parents have to cook are responsible for

this

situation and provided possible solutions to eliminate it.

Submitted by stellavasil52 on Wed Jan 18 2023

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task response

The response addresses the task, but some points could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive answer.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good use of linking words and cohesive devices. However, some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and supporting details.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

Have you recently bought a mobile phone? Write a review about the phone explaining why you bought it, how easy it is to use and if you would recommend it to others.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the widespread use of the internet , more people choose to work from home . Do the advantages of this trends oughtweigh the disadvantage?