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Band 4.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

#people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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In recent times, there are an increasing number of people with obesity issues. With the growing fats in the human body,
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues which are blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol and various cardiac-related
problems
. These
health
problems
 put additional pressure on the
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 system.
Hence
, one of the solutions to decrease the overweight problem is to teach physical exercises to the
students
. To some extent, it will be helpful but it will not solve these
problems
 completely.
Lessons
 learnt in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school can be forgotten easily. We are taught different things in school like Algebra, Geometry, Chemistry etc, but in adult
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 people hardly remember what was taught.
Additionally
, if kids are pressured too much to perform in physical
education
 classes, they might develop a
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 dislikeness for
exercise
.
Therefore
, it becomes essential to evaluate these
lessons
 in a different way rather than the traditional marking and ranking system. Physical
education
lessons
 can be beneficial if along with the exercises,
students
 are given information about the importance of the class. It is easier to be motivated to continue in the future if they know the purpose of
lessons
Correct article usage
the lessons
show examples
.
Additionally
, along with
students
 if parents and teachers are
also
 enrolled in
this
 class, it will be a good way to inspire
students
 as well as spread awareness among the
adults
.
Students
 learn the best if they see good examples around them and providing access to
adults
 can definitely set an example.
Moreover
, parents-kids and teacher-kids fun activities can be held to make these
exercise
lessons
 more interesting. Along with the
exercise
lessons
, kids and parents should be taught about the balanced meals and nutrition required. Obesity
problems
 stem from two main reasons: one is a lack of movement in the body and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 is unbalanced meals.
Thus
, it is important to teach about the daily diet as well. Regardless of these physical
education
lessons
 in academics, we need awareness and ways to devise
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 motivation among
adults
 to continue to take care of their bodies. There are different ways Government and various non-profit organizations can help like introducing
exercise
 machines in the parks so
adults
 can
exercise
 when their kids are playing, creating beautiful and serene places for jogging and walking, conducting weekly fun yoga sessions with free juices or goodies for
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 crowd so they can learn from each other and get motivated to come again. To sum up, physical
education
lessons
 when added to the coursework can solve to some extent the
health
 issues arising from overweight
problems
. But, to solve
this
 obesity problem completely, continuous efforts will be required by the Government and individuals.
Submitted by samvid95 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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