IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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There is a view that the independence of
children
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 is very important in terms of both acting and making
decisions
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.
While
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 some people say that
children
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 might face some problems when they are independent, I believe freedom helps them to solve those problems. Today, some parents try to control every step of their
children
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 at an early age.
According to
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 them, at young ages,
children
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 really want to try everything that they face and sometimes
this
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 might cause problems as lifelong
fear
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.
For example
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, falling from a higher place at an early age might lead to acrophobia which means
fear
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 of heights and in most cases,
this
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 kind of
fear
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 can
last
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 to whole life.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 might struggle to make
decisions
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 on some points,
such
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 as they might choose the wrong friends.
That is
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 why, most people try to avoid
this
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 kind of situation by controlling them.
On the other hand
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, autonomy
also
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 helps
children
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 to learn from mistakes, it means that they get good insights from wrong actions or
decisions
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. If they fall from height one time,
then
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 they will have a notion about height and its harm to them.
Moreover
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, false
decisions
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 help
children
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 to differentiate good from bad in their future choices and they will not face any difficulties in their future careers. As an example, those people who are raised independently have skills like problem-solving solving, good communication, because of their life experience and these abilities are useful for them to build good careers. In conclusion,
although
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, in most cases
fear
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 and false options come from early age independence, I believe
children
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 should be independent because they will distinguish bad and good and make good choices based on their mistakes if they are independent

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, but it can be more direct about your viewpoint. For example, rephrase your opinion to indicate a stronger level of agreement with the importance of independence.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay has a logical structure, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Adding linking phrases or sentences to better connect your arguments would enhance flow.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but they could be more detailed. Consider elaborating on your examples to strengthen your arguments further. For instance, explain how specific life experiences shape problem-solving skills.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which reflects critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, reinforcing your position clearly, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
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