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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

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It is considered by some individuals
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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little ones are provided with
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun plenty in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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plenty of spare time, which these free hours should be devoted to enhancing their academic knowledge. I disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 notion and reckon that the combination of both is the best way forward. Based on the above statement, I am going to discuss
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 opinion as well as assert the reasons for my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, there are those who believe that children should allocate their available spare time to educational purposes rather than doing
leisure
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 activities. As education plays
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 key role in future career
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths

It seems that path may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Undoubtedly, spending children's free span on their homework will enable them to find out their defects and work on them.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, engaging with school work in free hours will assist them to grasp the concept in depth.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they will be able to pave the way for their future career.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, undeniably, playing and interacting socially is significantly important for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 mental and physical health.
As
Correct your spelling
A

The word As doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, lack of recreational activities can lead to mental as well as physical disorders which can predispose them to the diseases
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as diabetes,obesity, depression and so.on.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, utilising their free span in doing several
leisure
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 activities will effectively impact
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their health.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 I strongly believe that a balance between academic and
leisure
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 life is equally essential. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some people argue that children should utilise their spare time for only studying, I disagree and support that the balance between academic and
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

leisure
Replace the word
leisurely

The word leisure doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 life is the best way forward.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unstructured free time
  • creativity
  • mental health development
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • sports
  • arts
  • social skills
  • family time
  • emotional growth
  • relationship building
  • rest and leisure
  • academic performance
  • burnout
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