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Band 6.5

Some countries with long average working hours are more economically successful than their countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #hours #time
Working hour is a concept to protect the worker's
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
. In today's era, several countries tend to make a policy about long average working
hours
 for the workers and
this
 rule affects national economic
growth
 rather than countries which decide to make shorter working
hours
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
. I strongly believe in
this
 notion, and I will give several reasons in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there is a causality paradigm among the people who work harder will get more money rather
those
Correct word choice
than those
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 who work less.
This
 perception
then
 influences the
country
 as a big organisation to serve society, making
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 on long working
hours
.
For example
, America
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a
country
 which
belief
Replace the word
believes
show examples
 in a liberalization economy, getting more economic
growth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and even
further
 became a superpower
country
 in the world that rules the world economic condition among other countries due to 12
hours
 working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the day regulations. Following
this
, as a comparison, Iran whit 5
hours
 working in the day rules, nowadays became the
country
 with the worst economic
growth
.
Furthermore
, a long average working
hours
 policy is indeed a good habit for society.
This
 governance indirectly made
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 more productive to spend their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the day. Because unconsciously a lot of individuals will feel happier about working vibes rather than unemployment vibes which means doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useless jobs.
For instance
, In Indonesia, many people become lazier than in other
country
 society due to their few working
hours
. In conclusion,
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 policy about long average working
hours
 shows more advantages outweigh disadvantages.
This
 regulation
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the final effect
to
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apply
show examples
good
country
's economic
growth
 and make
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 spend their time doing productive activity in their days.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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