IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child's education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#team #sports #part #child #education
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Children
Use synonyms
 are the main goal of marriage, and they are the real investment of their
parents
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 who get tired and save money to raise, so giving these
children
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 the ideal childhood is a target the
parents
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 seek
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 their
fiteness
Correct your spelling
fitness
 and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
skills
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 are
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the issues that parent should keep in their minds. A huge proportion of
parents
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 think that
learing
Correct your spelling
teaching
 their
children
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 to play team
sports
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 at
this
Linking Words
 age is not a good idea, since it is wasting of time, in their
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, kids should focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 now and grow other
skills
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 like languages, arts, and maybe some
indevidauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
sports
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 game, I can understand their point of view,
hence
Linking Words
 playing with other kids in
this
Linking Words
 age may let them face some troubles like being bullied, and dealing with
these issue
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this issue
these issues
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 could very hard as well as expressing these problems to their
parents
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, and
this
Linking Words
 may lead to series trouble in the future. to me, I strongly recommend
practicing
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practising
show examples
play team
sports
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 at a young age, there is nothing
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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sharp
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sharpen
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 one
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skills
Change to a singular noun
skill
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 like
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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 with others and
face
Wrong verb form
facing
show examples
 many challenges , I can notice
this
Linking Words
 when I compare my
brother
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brother's
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 and sister's
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 characters, where my brother's
children
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 did not learn to play team
sports
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 game, so he seems to be isolated and struggling in expressing himself and his needing, the same for his
sports
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 skill comparing to my sister's child who used to be happier and not an introvert at all,
in addition
Linking Words
 to his
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 sport
skills
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 developing. In
conclution
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conclusion
, I suggest that schools should keep
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
children
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 to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 to play
sports
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, since
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 mind in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 body, any kind of sport will make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 character and growth, and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good investment in childhood, will
absolutly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 good results in the future.
Submitted by dinaruqti on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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