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Band 5.5

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #phone #development
There is no doubt that technology has transformed our lives drastically.
such
 a change can be seen in many fields especially communications and networking,
for example
, with a click of a button you have access to information and daily news at your fingertips, yet,
this
 has made us more and more reliant on their smartphones and the
internet
. in
this
 essay, I will discuss demerits and merits and explain their negative impact on us . on one hand, some
people
 argue that the
internet
 and cell phones made our lives much more convenient. to illustrate, we can communicate instantly rather than travelling to far places in order to interact with one another.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example, 50 years ago,
people
 from Egypt had to travel from Cairo to Alexandria just to meet up and conduct their activities, but now with the commencement of 4G and 5G
people
 can now see each other through a webcam,
thus
, it's evident that travelling is no longer needed.
on the other hand
, it's indisputable that the
internet
 and cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 have a negative impact on human health. to elaborate,
people
 spend more and more of their time glued to their phone screens and that could damage their eye retinas and cause early blindness and some cases illness.
according to
 recent discoveries and research publications made at MIT University, it's said that one in 4 adults
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 more than 6 hours a day looking at their phone which can lead to early blindness and
further
 health issues. In my opinion,
people
 should refrain from using the
internet
 and smartphones for long hours.
thus
 reducing their reliance on it and aiming for healthier lifestyles.
Submitted by donotendupatmcdonalds97 on

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task response
Provide a clear stance on whether the impact of technology dependence is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices to organize ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Include a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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